Artwork by Jakob Grim
This story is part of the NFT Collection Death To Humans.

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Screaming Greens

Rolling hills of lush green seemed to deaden the closer everything got to the Lincoln that had pulled into the parking lot. A wire-thin older man with pepper-gray hair stepped out, fumbling with paperwork and a leather briefcase that looked even older than him. As soon as he straightened his stash of documents, he closed the car door and walked up to me. “Hi, I’m Bob from the board of safety and health,” he introduced himself. “Hop in, Bob From The Board Of Safety And Health,” I instructed. “Ready for a tour?” He adjusted his tinted wire-rimmed glasses. “I guess so.” I lifted the heavy door to the golf cart so he could climb inside. It felt strange showcasing man-to-man chivalry. The last time I had opened a door for anyone was prom night more than twenty years ago. But then I reasoned that, much like my prom date, Safety Board Bob was a shoo-in to get fucked by the end of our rendezvous together.


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This story is included in the NFT Collection Death To Humans

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Patrick Kill
Patrick Kill
Patrick Kill specializes in writing the most absurd, iconoclastic humorous dark fiction around. At 6’1’’, he is the tallest midget on earth. He is a competitive eater…of children. He prefers footie pajamas with someone else’s feet in them. He fishes for dead bodies in drainage ditches during the day and traps for yeti at night. He is the most ridiculous man in the world. His favorite saying is: “I don’t always eat humans, but when I do, it’s dos Mexicanos. Stay evil, my friends.”
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